How About a Little More Nice Girl?

(I get to give this a clever title because I can go back later and edit myself)

This morning I decided to go to McDonald's for breakfast because I was heading to a new church and running a bit behind schedule, so I hit the drive thru at 9:50.  Much later than usual for Sunday morning for me (usually about 7:20) and probably because of Father's Day there was a really big line.  I debated leaving, but didn't want a blood sugar low to interfere with my first visit to a new church.  Ordered my one item.  Pulled forward a bit and heard the girl behind me order an Egg McMuffin with no egg and extra (something I couldn't hear).  Next I heard the guy in the other lane ordering some long list of things.  Alone, in a work truck.  I was glad I didn't have to work on Sunday and also glad I wasn't behind him.  He pulled forward and clearly wanted to edge in front of me.  I pulled up a but, and he said"Aren't we supposed to take turns?"  I replied "My order was ahead of yours."  He then said "If YOU think so."  So I looked behind me and backed up so he could go ahead if me, which he did with a lurch.  A few moments later (I was fully stopped), the girl behind me beeped.  I leaned out and said "I'm having trouble with the guy ahead of me."  She then said "You almost f#&king nailed me!"  Twice.  I waited until the guy in front of me pulled forward, which he did with a smirk, then I left.  Stomach clenched, tears in my eyes.

I'm still having trouble understanding God's lesson in this for me.  I knew that guy wanted to go first, so I guess I should have let him from the first.  I did pray very hard that God would have the cashier ask him if he had ordered the single chorizo burrito.  I don't want to just be right, I want him to know it too.

I am pretty good at standing up for myself and being a little pushy when I am sure I am right.  Maybe the lesson for me is to accept my rightness in solitude and show the world more grace.  We've been taught that we shouldn't all be "nice girls" in the church, but maybe the pendulum has swung a little too far the other way?  Maybe I need to work on my nice girl attitude a bit more?

Twitter?

I have to admit that I don't really get Twitter.  I've used it and I've followed some funny and clever people, but I simply do not understand what the big deal is.  I don't think there are that many funny or clever people out there.  Most content I've seen is... drivel.  The shortness of the Tweet adds to the pointlessness.  Why are there so many Tweeters and can most of them really be worth following???

Writer? HA!

What ever made me think I could write?  Day two of NaNoWriMo and I'm already plagued with both doubts and technical difficulties.  Grrrrrr.

I had hoped to use my work laptop to write at the write-ins but it is wonky when away from its dock and a huge pain because of the security in place.  I'm even thinking about buying a laptop to use but I didn't get involved in this so I could spend money (I don't have)

Grrrr

Did I mention that my son had a fender-bender while delivering pizzas and so Allstate won't cover the accident.  Even now I'm waiting to find out how much the other driver is going to bleed me for.  Grrrr

It runs in the family

Saturday my family got together.  There's just the three of us now.  I thought we were getting together to celebrate Mother's Day, my birthday and my son's birthday.  Apparently my mother thought we were getting together to help her get through the five-year anniversary of her husband's passing.  Nevermind that he was my father and my son's grandfather and the only real male role model my son had.  Nevermind that my son is in the military and may not be home for his next birthday.  Nevermind that my son is now 20 and may end up living somewhere far away.  Nevermind that it was my 50th.  She needed a distraction and we were it.

Low level anxiety

I stayed home from work today.  Something hit my sinuses late last week and the allergy meds hadn't really caught up until today.  The last two nights I slept very badly.  Today I tried to get a few things done, but mostly napped and then watched too much about the tornado in OK.  My son is training to become, most likely, a first responder.  Freaks me out a little some days because he is, you know, my little boy.  18, 6'3" but still my little baby.  A U.S. military trained soldier, but my kid.  The guy I had nightmares about leaving at daycare.  The bundle of joy that brought out my tiger when a bee first buzzed near him.  The only person who showed me what real love is.  Choosing a career that puts him in harm's way in order to save lives.

Poof

I've been dabbling with the site Plenty of Fish.  Unlike Christian Mingle, it is actually free.  It is also just plain disheartening.  Picky guys all looking for something just a little better than me.  Or less religious.  Or prettier.  Or looser morals... or... or...
Disheartening.  Discouraging.  Depressing even?  I think I'm done dabbling.  If I was truly serious about finding someone, I'm sure it could work.  But I guess I don't really want a relationship because it still sounds like too dang much work and not really worth the effort.  All the drama and rigamarole and for what?  What do you get when you fall in love?  You only get lies and pain and sorrow.  So for at least until tomorrow, I'll never fall in love again.  I'm never gonna fall in love again.  (Child of the 70's, what can I say!  Thank you, dionne warwick for those words). From the musical Promises, Promises which was based on the play The Apartment which was a much better piece of work.

Trying to figure out what "normal" is

I like the show Chicago Fire.  Mostly.  It is SO predictable, most of the time.  Hate that, but the actors are likeable and there are great scenes of Chicago.  Tonight they were wandering around a salvage shop where I have actually been; it was cool.  There are good moments too, when they save people, and act a little like heros.

I wish I knew what I was doing with myself.  I like TV but I hate that I waste time watching it.  I want a new phone but my old one is still useful.  I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  I don't know that I DID know what I was doing before, but maybe I had so few choices that it was simple.  Now I have too many choices and I just don't know who I am or what I want to do with myself.  Poor me :(

Take this job and...

It is difficult to describe just how messed up things are at my place of employment.  There has been a sort of re-organization at the higher level, due to the urgings of "The Street", so you know that the reasons for said re-org are well-reasoned and insightful.  This was announced via The Wall Street Journal about a year or more ago.  There has been VERY little internal communication about this change.  The sense amongst us underlings is that they really don't know what they're doing, so they don't tell us anything so that they can't be held responsible for the mess that might ensue.  And a mess is certainly ensuing.  Every single employee who pays any attention to what is going on around them is deeply concerned.  There are no real decisions being made, only semi-silly fluffy decisions that make it look like things are happening, but with no tangible result.  The underlying issue is that my little piece of the big company has been so poorly managed for the last few years, that we are in desperate need of some good, strong leadership with vision to give us some sense of direction.  Instead we are drifting even more purposelessly than before.  Makes for an incredibly frustrating work environment.  Even the strong people, who have been there forever, are starting to get that look in their eyes.  That beaten-down, how-much-more-can-I-take look.  Makes me want to cry.  Or throw up.  Or throw in the towel.  Hard to decide...

Why can't he just do nothing?

Apparently my darling child feels he cannot get a job because they just won't hire him because he isn't 18 yet, even though he is available any time.  I feel he cannot get a job because he hasn't applied more than three places and he won't speak to the manager.  He knows several people who are not yet 18 who have jobs...  he's just lying to himself and lying to my face now whenever I ask him how the job hunt is going.  My real problem is why I don't just let him sponge off me for the next ___ months or years-whatever his lazy little heart desires, right?  The poor dear just isn't ready for the big scary world of retail sales in the west suburbs.

What is that smell?

(I apologize right now that this is the third post in a row with a question for a title)

So first my son acts completely disinterested in what I have to say and just now I walked past his room and some awful smell is emanating from it.  In the past he has watched Stargate as well as Monk, so I had stopped by to say that Lt. Discher is on tonight's Stargate episode (Linnea is back!)


The time has come, the Walrus said... for my son to grow up.  He's the one who decided to leave high school early so now he needs to GET A JOB and clean up his room.  In 50 more days he turns 18 and that's when the turnip hits the fan.  I will no longer have a legal responsibility for his lazy butt and I can ask him to leave.  He has applied for 3 jobs in the past five weeks since he left school.  As if!  Three???  He didn't even do it in person.  Tick tock tick tock

Hoarder?

Worst handwasher ever?

I've experienced this quite a few times with the same person.  This person is washing her hands after going potty.  The water runs for three seconds, max.  Then I come out and there is dripped water all over the paper towel stack and I just want to leave!  She reaches with one hand to pump soap on one hand and turns the water on with the other.  The hands join VERY briefly under the water (remember that the water is only on for three seconds) and she's already turning off the water.  The part that turns my stomach is that she is then dripping dirty water and soap all over the stack of paper towels.  The cleaning people no longer use the more-sanitary dispenser because someone has put a sign over the garbage can section below.  I'm torn between wanring the other people who use the room and simply using a different bathroom myself.  Saying something directly to that person is out of the question and you'll just have to trust me on that one.  YUCK!

Resolve to...

I don't like saving up resolutions for the beginning of a new year, but it is just practically inevitable, right?  And also practically inevitable that by this, the twelfth day of the year, I'm already a little behind on those things I wanted to keep on top of....  sigh

Popcorn floor for now

I'm getting there.  I just wish my living room didn't suddenly look so TINY.  Although that should be an encouragement to work harder since it no longer has the nightmarishly large proportions it had when it was just a looming project in my head.

I can't get this to turn, so tip your head to your left shoulder :)

There is still plastic draped over way too much of my living/dining room, but the photo below has given me hope!

This one also needs action on your part to work right (or left, as the case may be!)  Finally enough book shelves, thanks to Ikea and the sweat of my brow.

Popcorn ceiling

O.k. so I knew scraping the popcorn off my living room/dining room ceiling would be pretty sucky, but I didn't think that the painting afterwords  would almost bring me to my knees.  $60 of paint, most of which has bubbled and crumbled and is now all over the floor.  I'm now considering cans of spray paint.  In the oh-so-appropriate words of Charlie Brown---ARGH!

And one more thing...

My son thinks that, if on a four-lane road, me passing into the right lane to pass someone turning left (no turn lane) is "Rude".     Huh?  Rude???

You're kidding right? Right?

"Hey, Mom- I know it's 5:42 on Wednesday night, but I have a permission slip here that has to be turned in Friday morning - NOTARIZED and I need it during the day tomorrow.  Why do you look so upset?!?  Jeesh, I'm not the one who required the notary thing!"

Boomtown Rats had it wrong

While I certainly don't like Mondays, I find Sunday nights to be much harder.

Joel Osteen has a new book, Friday Everyday.  What a guy!  So close to the truth, but still so far.

Did you ever find yourself brushing your teeth too hard because you were in a hurry to get back to life?

Don't take it personally-HA!

So I've been working on a pulled-pork roast for two days.  I thought it was pretty good.  I offered a half-sandwich to my son.  I actually thought he might like it.  I am now making a mental note to NEVER, EVER offer that kid another item again.  I was walking by his room a little later and asked what he thought.  First he couldn't get the movie to pause, so his first response was "Oh, my f**ing G*d!" and then he said, "It was mostly tasteless."  I can't get over how much of a jerk he can be towards me!

253 more days.

Then I can legally ask him to get out of my home.  Him and his swearing and lazy non-chore-doing bones and his violent games and dry-wall-breaking anger fits.  And in the meantime, I will NEVER take him into account when I make food and I will NEVER, EVER suggest he eat something I make.  He turns his nose up at everything, which is his own problem, but he always hurts my feelings when he just stubbornly won't say anything nice.

Folks at work seem to genuinely like my baking, and the folks at church too, so it really is a matter between him and me. What a jerk!!!  What a ... a ... TEENAGER!

E.M.H.E.

My mother thinks Extreme Makeover Home Edition is a fraud that causes more trouble in the lives of the people than it helps.  I don't care, I love that show.  I'm tearing up because of the fact that (sometimes) even normal people can find a way to help others.  A woman in NC helping homeless female veterans.  Talk about an inspiration!?!  (I can't wait to see if she is a Christian!)

What Am I Thinking?

My son turns 18 in 254 more days.  I'll have the opportunity to change my life.  I've been more than a little concerned about what my job is doing to me.  I'm an accountant for a small company that is part of a much larger corporation.  I'd had hopes of moving up the ladder but it has been 4 years since they helped me get my MBA and almost 12 years at the same company, in almost the exact same position.  I really enjoy being an accountant and I LOVE the people I work with.  In fact, I'd be pretty happy to stay where I am if certain things would just change.  Things out of my control.

Except I've been having little tiny mental lapses.  Things that sound silly when I talk about them, but I really rely on my mental abilities to be who I am, and losing that is scaring me.  I'm 47 and aging is scaring me too.  Aches and pains...  Arthritis-like problems in my hands and weird things going on with my knees/ankle...

I actually believe that the mental lapses are stress-related.  I'm worried that they aren't, but I think that they are.  Having a plan to move into a new "career" seems like a prudent move.  I'm thinking crazy that a micro-farm is a good choice, but having a less mental and more physical career may make sense even though my body is aging.  If I plan right, perhaps I can mitigate the physicality?  The right equipment?  I'm not trying to start a big farm, just enough to support myself.