23 minutes and I coulda won

Since I "ran" it in 45 minutes, I was no where close.

Where does the time go???

He'll be home in 68 days.  He turned 19 today!  WHEN did that happen???
I bought myself some flowers to brighten up the place.  Which is no where near where I want it to be (clean-wise) for as close as him coming-home-date should suggest!

Low level anxiety

I stayed home from work today.  Something hit my sinuses late last week and the allergy meds hadn't really caught up until today.  The last two nights I slept very badly.  Today I tried to get a few things done, but mostly napped and then watched too much about the tornado in OK.  My son is training to become, most likely, a first responder.  Freaks me out a little some days because he is, you know, my little boy.  18, 6'3" but still my little baby.  A U.S. military trained soldier, but my kid.  The guy I had nightmares about leaving at daycare.  The bundle of joy that brought out my tiger when a bee first buzzed near him.  The only person who showed me what real love is.  Choosing a career that puts him in harm's way in order to save lives.

Tomorrow (and tomorrow and...)

Just when I thought I was getting a little ahead of anxiety, a night like this comes along and bites me you-know-where.  I got out of work at a decent hour and went to the grocery store on the way home to get some things to make into dessert for the regular Thursday night dinner.  Got home and took the dog for a semi-long walk in the warm spring evening.  Ate dinner and then felt ookie, so I laid down and took a twenty-minute nap.  Woke up when the phone rang and felt funny.  Ten-thirty now and I'm filled with anxiety about tomorrow.  They are letting a few people go.  I'm not privy to anything tangible, but they've been hinting about this for months and the clues are pretty strong that my work environment is going to change again tomorrow.  I've lived through this sort of thing before, but I have no confidence in this new management team and so my anxiety level is through the roof.  No good reason, really, just the general anxiety that comes from not knowing the future. And my usual sin of not trusting the Lord of the Universe.
Well, that is a little harsh.  I've got a lot of involuntary change in my life and it is really difficult to deal with it all, at the same time, as perfectly as I expect myself to.  The changes at work are deeper than just some co-workers being fired.  My job will be to make sure things run just as smoothly with three people as it did with five.  HAH!!!

Bad news and bad news

Fertilizer plant explodes, flooding in DuPage county, ricin suspect arrested, the bombs at the Boston Marathon.  Shall I list the famous people who have died in the last week or so?
I am riddled with fear and anxiety.  Help me, Lord.

Poof

I've been dabbling with the site Plenty of Fish.  Unlike Christian Mingle, it is actually free.  It is also just plain disheartening.  Picky guys all looking for something just a little better than me.  Or less religious.  Or prettier.  Or looser morals... or... or...
Disheartening.  Discouraging.  Depressing even?  I think I'm done dabbling.  If I was truly serious about finding someone, I'm sure it could work.  But I guess I don't really want a relationship because it still sounds like too dang much work and not really worth the effort.  All the drama and rigamarole and for what?  What do you get when you fall in love?  You only get lies and pain and sorrow.  So for at least until tomorrow, I'll never fall in love again.  I'm never gonna fall in love again.  (Child of the 70's, what can I say!  Thank you, dionne warwick for those words). From the musical Promises, Promises which was based on the play The Apartment which was a much better piece of work.

Where has my imagination gone?

Maybe that's my problem.  I've been spoon-fed plots via TV for so long that I don't have real imagination of my own left anymore.  Or am I just too old?  Parented so long that my imagination just dribbled away to nothingness?  Bored?  Distracted?  Dumb?  Unimaginative to begin with?  Scared?  Tired?  Weary?

From my new phone

Almost exactly like my old phone, but with no scratches on the screen and no problems (so far) with the computer.  The "n" key works funny on this new phone though... very annoying since I love this model because of the slideout keyboard for typing things.
AND now I have a newer version of Blogger.  Cool!

Trying to figure out what "normal" is

I like the show Chicago Fire.  Mostly.  It is SO predictable, most of the time.  Hate that, but the actors are likeable and there are great scenes of Chicago.  Tonight they were wandering around a salvage shop where I have actually been; it was cool.  There are good moments too, when they save people, and act a little like heros.

I wish I knew what I was doing with myself.  I like TV but I hate that I waste time watching it.  I want a new phone but my old one is still useful.  I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  I don't know that I DID know what I was doing before, but maybe I had so few choices that it was simple.  Now I have too many choices and I just don't know who I am or what I want to do with myself.  Poor me :(

Hey! I get it!

Words cut, actions harm, but silence kills.