Update on the dog I did not adopt

It was a very difficult decision, but I decided not to adopt the Boxer.  Her one personality fault is stubbornness.  She is quite easy-going, but stores up that stubbornness for when she really needs it.  And she saved it for getting to spend the day in my living room.  Which I can totally understand; I like to spend time here myself.  However, after vising two vets in one day last week, she was found to be in false heat.  Not as uncommon as you might think.  The vet who SPAYED her said that internally she had been very swollen and quite a mess.  It would be no surprise for him to have left a small amount of ovarian material.  And this was likely causing her to go into heat.  They leave a small amount of uterus on the back side of the cervix to cover the space over, and this small amount of cervix can react to the small amount of ovary and, boom, she's in heat.  The thing is, she could be in heat for a day, a week, several weeks, or even months.  She was scared to go outside, probably because of this, and coupled with her insistence on staying in the living room meant that I was cleaning blood from everywhere!  Carpet, chair, couch, floor, bed, car seats, pillows, you name it.  That, in addition to her other issues meant that it was just more than I could handle.  I found out early Saturday morning just how heavy a 54-lb dog really is when she didn't want to go outside to go potty.  I'm not surprised that her neck is completely raw from people trying to yank her into submission.   At least I was able to provide her with a quiet place for a few days and a nice, bright pink halter instead of a neck collar.  (And a squeaky, un-stuffed chicken that she loved to carry around the house.) 

Kurt Vonnegut on writing fiction

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. Now matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Not 100% certain

I am fostering an 8-year-old boxer.  She has a wonderful, calm personality.  A hint of playful and a touch of stubborn.  Needs some TLC. She had been a puppy factory and when they spayed her at the shelter's vet, he found a lemon-sized cyst.  He doesn't think it was cancer, but was pumping a ton of hormones into her system.  All of her reproductive organs were very swollen and what's left is still swollen.  Plus she's lost some fur around her neck and she needs to gain several pounds back.
All of this is pretty acceptable, but now she is spotting like she is in heat and the vet says it could go on for weeks.  I googled it and it is not that uncommon since even a small bit of ovarian material left in the body can create hormones and cause what's left of the uterus to "bleed". She has been acting housebroken and stubbornly insists on spending the day in the living room which I don't really mind, except, now, for the blood.  It's not puddles or anything, but still.  I've rinsed some out of my Flor tile pretty easily, but still.  It may end any minute, but still.  On the other hand, they are a no-kill shelter, but still.
I've also been doing some research on pet insurance and still have no clear idea if I should bother to.  Assuming I adopt her tomorrow, how much do I want to spend to insure her without knowing if they will even cover what problems are likely to arise?  If I don't get the insurance, how much will I end up spending on a dear, sweet, old dog because I won't be able to let her go easily?  Boxers have gum issues ($1,500 a treatment) and are prone to cancers.  The good news is that she shows no sign of hip trouble and she now has less places to get cancer (they took off two teats too). It's been three days and she already "sits" and seems to be heeling most of the time when walking.  Obedience training a million years ago???  And did I mention that she is the sweetest dog ever?  Not timid, not aggressive, just as friendly as can be!  Likes men, women, kids, dogs, cats...  a really wonderful companion.  Except for the bleeding and the "tumor factory" thing (that's how my vet put it!)
This whole thing has been a great distraction.  I can almost forget that work is stressful, my son has joined the military and Satan prowls with his bag of tricks.

My new fur-friend, probably

I spent this past Saturday meeting some shelter dogs.  Nice, but not "the one" if you know what I mean.  Today I took a mental health day from work and thought I'd stop by the local Petco and see who they had.
Her name is Lila and she's likely a purebred Boxer.  She's eight years old and has probably been churning out puppies for some human the whole time.  She has the most winsome face!  Wisdom of the ages in those big, sad eyes.  With all she has been through, she has the sweetest disposition.  And holds "it" for up to 12 hours at a time at the shelter.
She is not mine yet.  I am fostering her until Saturday when she gets her last shot and her stitches come out.  She was fixed, but she also had two teats removed.  Her body is a bit of a mess.  Sores on elbows & knees and her neck from the collar.  Other teats are very pronounced and her back end protudes a bit.  I'm hopeful that they will contract over time.  She was surrendered in December, probably just after a litter.  Her fur is a bit of a mess too.  I can hardly wait to help her blossom into the beauty she was meant to be.  Too thin as well.
Two recently retired mothers keeping each other company.  I hate to think that she probably doesn't have many years left, but at least I can make them good.  She is calm, sweet, doesn't mind handling and seems to have no aggression toward men, women, dogs or cats. She is still curious and not particularly timid when frightened.  She even played with me for a little bit.  There is every reason to think she'll make a great companion and be able to visit nursing homes with me!

The island of misfit toys

I think I had been playing the role of mom for so long that I forgot I was a person, a woman, and forgot that I'm really just another broken toy.

The glory of God is man fully alive

Here I am, still in the furnace.  I have not gotten better and that's all I ever focus on.  I forget that I did not get worse.  Sometimes that is all I can expect.
Grace is God drawing us sinners closer and closer to himself.  So instead of shielding us from assault by the world, the flesh and the devil, he exposes us to these things so as to overwhelm us with a sense of our own inadequacy, and to drive us to cling to him more closely. (from J.I.Packer)
He will not give us more than we can bear 1Cor10:13 but equally not less Acts14:22   Additionally, the bible is full of stories of failures who get turned around and go on to glorify God.

Turned a corner?

I pray that I have turned a corner in this mess.  I managed to avoid doing one tiny, eeny-weeny little thing and it actually gave me a hit of strength.  That's probably too strong of a word (pun intended) but I'm a drowning girl grabbing at anything I can reach.

I ran

I should run more, but I just hate the treadmill and the gym, so I wait for a day or evening when I can get outside.  Today was pretty good.  My phone says 37 degrees and there was no wind.  I ran at the park next to my condo in the parking lot where they had plowed so the sun had made a non-slip surface for me.  Since I headed out of work at the right time instead of working late, I was able to get the run in before it got dark.  Probably ran about 1-1/2 mile which may not sound like much to you, but is pretty good for this old bag of bones.  Now I've got to get my liquid level back up and get some calories while I'm at it.  Beer anyone?

It's God's Word, stop playing around!

Not the title of today's sermon but could have been.  Today was communion Sunday and we've gone back to having the choir stay, so I got to hear it three times.  I also took communion thrice.  For those who are unfamiliar with my church, we are non-denominational, evangelical.  I've heard that Catholics must be in good standing with the Church in order to take communion.  They also have a tendency towards earning the right to salvation.
The passage being preached was Matthew 5:17-20.  Pastor was relating the story of verbal sparring with a good friend and fellow student about parts of the Bible and after a while, he'd simply told his friend that "It's God's Word.  Stop playing around."  A little like the rule-keepers who think they're getting down into the finer points of the rules, but are missing the bigger picture.  The most consistent message from God is "be obedient".  In order to be that, there are lots of other steps and rules and instructions and what not, but in the end, after all the talking and negotiating and wrangling, stop playing around.  Go directly to The Source and do what it tells you to do.
I was born again and have my sins covered wholly by the work of Christ.  There is nothing special about me and not one thing I could possibly do to earn my salvation.  God sent His Son to pay my penalties.  I know that with all my soul.  I took communion (three times) because of that and that alone.  We all sin and fall short.  I didn't used to really believe that as thoroughly as I do now that I am in the throes of temptation.
I can do all things, and can only accomplish anything, through Christ who strengthens me.  Today's anthem:
I could not do without Thee, o Savior of the lost, whose wondrous love redeemed me at such enormous cost. Thy righteousness, Thy pardon, Thy precious blood must be, my only hope and comfort, my glory and my plea.
I could not do without Thee, for, oh, the way is long, and I am often weary and sigh replaces song; Oh, how could I do without Thee? I do not know the way; Thou knowest, and Thou leadest, and wilt not let me stray.
Oh, how could I do without Thee? I do not know the way; Thou knowest and Thou leadest--I follow all the way.
by Frances Havergal and our setting was by Maxine Posegate.  I haven't found it on YouTube and may have to add it myself.  It certainly deserves a place!

Breaks my heart

So as we were finishing up at the 72-hour meeting with the recruiter, my son asked a question.  He told Sgt that he really wants a dog and would get one as soon as AIT was over, but if he got deployed, what would happen to the dog. Sgt and I sort of looked at each other and I quipped that I'd have myself a new dog.
IT BREAKS MY HEART every time I think about what he said.  Mostly because it was such an innocent question.  It breaks my heart to think that my son is so unprepared for how hard and ridiculously painful life is going to be sometimes.  I just want to drag him home amd lock him up and keep him safe and sound.  I don't want him to have to find things out the hard way like I did.  I don't want him to realize things afterwards. I don't want him to get his heart broken. I don't want his trust to be misplaced. I don't want him to despair. I want him to finish strong and upright, not get twisted and have to find ways to cope.
Father, I know you love him even more than me.  Take better care of him than I could.  Help me feel that way

A cold, dark stone

I was recently talking with a treasured sister.  She revealed a little of her recent challenge, which I had been unaware of until that conversation.  Broke my heart for her a little.
I have been going through some stuff and talking with her made me feel better.  Partly because it's nice to feel less alone.  Partly because I have always looked to her as a great example of how to live in The Way and while it feels very contrary and selfish, it is reassuring to think that we are ALL challenged by temptations of one kind or another.  Mostly, she was (as always) full of Truth and encouragement.
We cannot trust our feelings.  While it is foolish and dangerous to ignore our feelings completely, they are no good guide for how to live or what to do.  We are called to put aside our fleshly, worldly desires and focus on the things of God.  Called to follow his Word and his Way which is not the way of the world.  No easy task that, some days anyway.  It might even be said that if you're having an "easy" day, then you aren't really paying attention?
I really don't know why God bothers with me.  How He can love me when I spend so much time lately trying to justify my behavior.  I've been so incredibly selfish.  I am so full of pain and empty of joy lately that I have been falling on old habits to try to drive that ratio to what I think is should be, instead of trusting the Spirit to do what He promises, to complete His good work in me.
What did that dear sister say?  What hopeful thing can I find to hold on to through these moments?  What does God say for moments like this?  Come to me, all you who are heavy laden, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Do you know that a yoke is a two-person item and that when you take up that yoke, the Son of the Most High is the guy on the other part?  It can be SO HARD to remember that sometimes, but He really is right there, every moment of every day; crying right now with me.  What father when asked for bread would give his child a stone?
Without the sun, the moon is a cold, dark stone.  Without the son, I am cold and dark---everywhere You are is warmth and light